Make Do and Mend

Now and then a relationship can get “samey” and some people tend to find that is when they get bored of the same old things, some feel they need more excitement than what they are getting and more often than not it is life that makes relationships difficult. This idea of relationships always being full of magic and excitement is pretty false and we have Hollywood to blame; however I believe the relationship adapts with our lives and the magic and excitement just looks different to the untrained eye.

Now I can only talk from my experiences and what has helped me; a few people have said how 00Steve and I have it all, beautiful kids, a nice house (even if it is a work in progress) and each other. Those people think our lives are perfect and unfortunately it is far from it. But that doesn’t mean I am prepared (and I hope he isn’t either!) to throw the towel in because I fully believe if something is worth having you work at it.

When we got married 7 years ago we didn’t suddenly merge into one person with all the same likes and dislikes. We also didn’t expect my health to take a turn for the worst both mentally and physically. The first year you are married can be a bit difficult even though really the only difference is a name change and a bit of paper telling the world that you both love each other enough to spend the rest of your lives together. It’s like when the honeymoon period is over in a new relationship you start to notice each others bad habits and you either learn to live with them or you don’t. It starts again when you have kids no matter how many of them you have because each one is different and they don’t come with a bloody manual! You are tired, probably haven’t had a hot drink hot for weeks and these things make you less fun to be with.

We have had some major blow out fights which often tend to be around a vicious circle of things we both do or not do. But it isn’t often our marriage feels stale or strained and that is because we work on it. It usually ends up being a  case of I tell him we have a babysitter in the form of one of our parents (thank you very much) on XYZ date and we are doing something. Even if it is something simple like have a floor picnic with booze and crap on TV, or a meal out and a film, or if you have the money etc a night/weekend away. These are things over the years we have done although the nights away are less frequent due to my inability to save!

Communication is key and this is something both 00Steve and I need to work on because I don’t often have the confidence or the courage to bring stuff up and he waits till everything has built up and he explodes. Neither of us are perfect despite his claims that he is, we both need to relearn who we are now at this point in our lives. Working on talking things out will help keep our marriage healthy and keep the arguments small rather than explosions. By stopping comparing yourselves to the silver screen or what other people tell you about relationships the happier you will be because the only one that is important is your own.

Being physical and having some intimacy is also paramount and whilst those phrases usually spring sex to the mind of many it most definitely isn’t limited to that! Hugs, holding hands, kissing, laying together, candles (one of the most intimate things he has ever done for me and meant so much to me was running me a bubble bath and lighting candles around the bath) even making a home cooked meal can be intimate especially if the other person isn’t a fan of cooking but they make something any way.

Then last but not least some people may feel they need to go to counselling to get them back on the same page and then move on from there. We aren’t at that stage yet although friends have suggested it to me when I have been moaning.

Hopefully all of you are in fantastic, healthy relationships rather than abusive or less than ideal ones! What are your tips for keeping the relationship going?

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