Courage, Dear Heart


This is something my Boo posted on Facebook and I felt it was quite apt for this week. Be prepared for a longish post! I have just finished my last shift at work for the next 12 weeks as my pre-assesment is tomorrow and my surgery all going well is on Thursday and I’m blooming knackered.imageI got asked the other day was I 100% sure I wanted to go through with the surgery as I was having a down day (don’t we all?) I thought about it for only a split second and knew the answer was yes. I’m far too ill with the pouchitis not too and I refuse to be on medication for the rest of my life. That was the reason for the ileo anal pouch in the first place. I want, no I NEED my life back and I know that this will ultimately give me it back. I want to actually be able to play with my little girl again and not say “go to daddy, mummy can’t do it” which is a horrible feeling. I want the possibility of being able to run again and exercise; which right now seems damn impossible.

I decided when I got the okay for my operation that I wanted a quote tattooed so that I could remind myself that I AM strong. I am a survivor not a victim here and that is very important to me. My local tattoo shop (The Tattoo Lounge) is a safe retreat for me. My best friend Jeki is there, the guy that owns the shop has tattooed me a fair few times over the years and I’ve made friends with two of the other tattoo artists. All but Gem have tattooed me and I decided it should be her that did this one. It’s a quote by the novelist C. S Lewis who is famous for the Chronicles Of Narnia series. This is from the book Voyage Of The Dawn Treader. I loved the books as a child and felt it was quite fitting.


I’ve not had a great day today pain wise. I’ve had an over active pouch and every time I go to the toilet I get a lot of pain 5 minutes after. So after being glared at by an elderly woman because I went to use the disabled toilet and there was only one. Part of me thought it’s because I had Ra-Ra with me and there was a separate baby changing room. But I obviously wasn’t going to change her. I really wanted to give her a snide comment in response to her dirty look but because I had Ra-Ra and she is at the parrot stage I decided better of it. I only take painkillers when I get in a lot of pain which is probably one of my problems really rather than have a constant amount of pain relief in my system. But I am terrified that something would happen to Ra-Ra if they made me drowsy or something. No loving parent would knowingly put their child in a situation that could potentially get them hurt.

But back on my positive note I obviously got my tattoo this morning, saw my friends at the shop. Went and bought a turkey sandwich with pick and mix salad (might as well whilst I can eat raw veg) Ra-Ra got some cheese straws. We went to see my nanna and put the world’s to right. Then spent the afternoon with my bfffffffffffff Adam aka El Husko  (the name came about when I shouted “oi fat boy come here” at a Creepshow gig and Sick Boy the bassist said that Adam wasn’t fat he was husky and nice ha ha) We went to the park and wore out Ra-Ra, she fell asleep within 5 minutes. Then 00Steve picked us up and I made chilli dogs for tea.


I hope everyone else had a good day and can find some positives.

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