Every woman should have the right to decide what happens to her own body regarding pregnancy, contraception and fertility. Unfortunately our bodies don’t always agree, but I am lucky enough to be able to make my own decision and I chose to look at my fertility. So I have come to the decision that rather than having more contraception and all the horrible issues that can happen due to them, plus the fact that 00Steve and I will have two children very shortly and have never discussed more than that I have opted for sterilisation. I despise that term as although I am still an animal in one sense, I am human and I think there should be a better term for it than that. But I wanted to take the time to write out my thoughts and feelings surrounding having no more children. Please understand that these are my own thoughts and feelings and in no way am I encouraging others to make this decision for themselves.
So basically to end in a sense my fertility as this is permanent and only 1 in 200 fail they will put clips on my fallopian tubes which is called tubal occlusion. This prevents the egg from meeting the sperm after sex, if I was to get pregnant after the sterilisation the probability of it being ectopic is high.
I’m going to be honest here I flipped out when I realised I would still get periods, who the hell thought it would be a great idea for the body to think “oh hey, here’s your monthly reminder that we’re still thinking you can get pregnant and going to cause you a shit ton of pain yet you chose to not get pregnant so it’s all for nothing”. I mean seriously? I am incredibly infuriated by that, because this isn’t an easy decision to reach and I would be lying if I didn’t say that the idea of not having periods wasn’t appealing. No fertility + periods = unnecessary.
So they have said they will do it whilst I have my caeserean section which ruled out me asking for an induction instead which my midwife said they probably wouldn’t have done as I will be 37 weeks and they prefer you to be closer to term. It does mean that there won’t be an extra surgery to worry about even though if you have the sterilisation separate it is done laparoscopic which is pretty easy to recover from compared to open wound surgery.
They have said the worst case scenario with having the section would be a hysterectomy anyway so the fact I have opted for sterilisation isn’t a huge issue. It would sort out the period issue but then it would bring on early menopause and the chance of osteoporosis which when I was flipping out earlier wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest but I’m sure it wouldn’t be pleasant to go through.
So for the reasons why I have come to this decision really aren’t that many but they are important to me. Firstly my medical history all the previous surgeries and scar tissue have made both of my pregnancies hard to deal with in regards to pain issues. I have struggled mentally through this one whether its due to the stupid food/BDD issues or just the fact I had my ideal birth plan set out and it isn’t going to happen. 00Steve and I have only ever discussed having two children, we love where we live and our house is perfect for four of us. I don’t have many options with contraception left as the side effects outweigh the good points and can have their own issues with fertility.
- pill didn’t absorb even when I had a jpouch
- patch never stuck properly
- injection made me gain weight
- implant always took far too long to remove due to the surrounding tissue claiming it as their own
- coil creeps me out if I’m honest
The bit that’s actually upsetting me the most is the caesarean, even though I have had one before, it’s the damn needle in my back that’s freaking me out. The obstetrician said I should mention to the anaesthetist that I will require something to calm me down. In fact the thought of the needle gave me a panic attack in the office whilst I was reading the information to sign. I am happy though knowing that the date given is the date Baby Button will arrive, looks like he will be sharing his birthday with one of his uncles, if it was a few days later it would have been one of his aunties. If I could have picked the date it would have been either my Great Grandad’s or 00Steve’s Grandad’s birthday but you don’t get to pick the day as each hospital has set surgical department days unless its emergency. But I can now work on sorting out the playlist that I want whilst the surgery is happening. Ra-Ra was born to “Islands In the Sun” by Weezer.
Although part of me is sad that I will no longer be fertile (I guess the same applies with men and the snip) I never wanted children at all till I got with 00Steve, so having the two is just perfect for us. He has been very supportive of my decision I guess from the fact he refused the idea of the snip himself helped, yes that’s his decision but I do have a tiny bit of resentment that he refuses but I’m sure that is down to hormones. Although to be honest we didn’t really discuss anything I said I was going to ask about sterilisation, because I am done having children as the mental and physical strain is too much and he said “if that’s what you want then I’m happy to support you”, I guess he learnt quite early on in our 7 year relationship that when I have made my mind up on something to do with my body I am going to do it.
Part of me does feel selfish as there are women who struggle or can’t conceive at all but as upsetting as that is for me because I would love for everyone to have the family they want, I also have to think of me and put my needs first. So having two children and no more is mine and 00Steve’s perfect family. I really hope anyone going through fertility issues isn’t angry at my personal decision but can understand it isn’t always rainbows and buttercups for everyone. To those who are having issues I truly hope that you are able to get the family you want be it natural, surrogacy or adoption to read someone’s perspective of infertility and IBD amongst other issues please go read my friend Mary’s blog.