So since my beautiful Little Mister has been born my emotions regarding the events surrounding his birth have paled in comparison to how happy both 00Steve and myself are. It still isn’t easy to think about including removing my dressing and feeling like a piece of meat tied with butchers twine. This is apparently a normal way of finishing off a suture.
Basically leaving each end long and tieing it in the middle, I feel it would have been nice to have been told that’s how the surgeon finished off my caeserean. Rather than just finding myself like that!
But anyway back to the positives my Little Mister Jacob’s first couple of weeks of life; he has only lost 0.6% of his body weight which is really good then less than a week later is back to his birth weight! His slight jaundice has disappeared (this is normal for babies to have) he feeds and sleeps well. He has had a mild bout of constipation which Ra-Ra had too this is normal for formula fed babies and cooled boiled water in between feeds has helped.
Ra-Ra has taken a shine to him more than we expected; she calms him when he cries by singing twinkle twinkle which is what I sung to her when she cried, helped change his bum, feed and bathe him. In fact she chose the nickname Little Mister, I just said it without thinking whilst talking to him and that was it she decided that was that. She has always been our Little Lady so it works quite nicely, but the best bit is the way she says it sounds almost cockney and we’re from Yorkshire!!
I do find that I can’t stop looking at him and I don’t want to ever put him down even though it was a rod in our back with Ra-Ra! In the hospital it was just the same, however 00Steve was able to stay the night which gave me a chance to not have to stress about feeds or bum changes although at one point I just left him to sleep, I got up and got on with it. I have done the same since getting home with doing the 4 am feed and the 8 am as he took Ra-Ra to nursery. He would do the late night feed and any in between as necessary or if he wasn’t busy tidying up or with his shadow aka Ra-Ra.
The midwives that looked after us were really nice and helpful, however with 00Steve staying the night I knew I wasn’t at risk of him being taken away so I could “get some rest” like with Ra-Ra, which meant I was able to just enjoy my time with the men in my life. I was lucky that when I rang my Stoma Care Nurses to see if one of them was at the hospital I was at. So I could be seen and my stoma checked over as I was worried about how much it had retracted/post partum belly skin being so loose. Now it wasn’t my nurse but one of that hospitals SCN and it was nice how quickly she came down to see me and put my mind at rest.
Since getting home I have been really struggling to size my stoma and I worry that it isn’t sitting right in my bag because I am obviously not thin or toned. I have already experienced a leak which both of these factors contributed too, so I am trying to be vigilant when changing my bag but I think a trip to see my SCN soon is on the cards.
I am truly blessed to have an amazing husband and two beautiful children not to mention regaining my health through having my stoma. Although since my sterilisation my anxieties are through the roof regarding my children because now I can’t have any more which I still stand by being the best decision for me has given me an irrational fear of losing one of them. I’m sure over time this will lessen but I have to admit I am glad I am taking the sertraline again even though I dislike taking anti depressants I need them for the anxiety I suffer so take them I will!