As you may know by now I have bowed out from The IBD and Ostomy Support Show; I wanted to announce it myself but wasn’t given that chance or even given the heads up that it would be announced. This disappointed me greatly as it showed a lack of respect of the friendships we had created. However I understand that the show must go on. I wanted to talk about my reasons behind why my last episode was my final appearance as a co-presenter.
So for the last year if you watch the show you will have noticed that my appearances were very few and far between and honestly knowing I am not expected to go back on, an entire weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I started to miss shows mainly due to my mental health and my work schedule but I felt the relationships on the show were becoming strained. It was difficult to bring them up without people feeling victimised, the group dynamic had gone and along with it my enthusiasm.
What once started as a group effort filled with fun and laughter quickly became a chore I felt I had to do rather than be excited about our famous tangents. I think we were all at fault when it felt like it became a one person show, it never really is just one person’s fault. I started to fill with dread when I saw the notifications from the group chat even when it didn’t involve the show.
A good chunk of those feelings of dread could have stemmed from my own poor mental health, but mainly I just felt like what was the point? Who was I even helping by putting myself through that? What did I have to offer when practically everyone had Crohns that watched? These thoughts were definitely tipping me over the edge with my decision making – well that and Natalie deciding to leave; now her reasons are different to mine and if she chooses to talk about them is only down to her and her alone.
Don’t get me wrong I am very grateful for the show, without it I don’t think I would have gone to Cardiff to the Pelican Healthcare factory. I genuinely enjoyed myself there and learnt a great deal. It made me realise that as much as I enjoy doing YouTube videos now and then, it isn’t something I wanted to do as a “job” and definitely not talking about stuff I don’t know anything about and just there to make up the numbers.
So whilst I have co-presented my final episode I wish the rest of the presenters the best of luck.
UPDATE just because I am annoyed at the way my decision to leave wasn’t given to me to announce doesn’t mean I have stopped being friends with those on the show. Nor does it mean I don’t wish them luck with whatever they do in the future.