Happy New Year to all of my lovely readers! I hope you have had a nice time over the holidays and ready to see 2019 in with a fresh look as it is after all a new year with new challenges and experiences; hopefully more good than bad. Although saying that we learn and grow from the not so pleasant things in life. This is NOT a “new year new me” post as in reality I have started to see myself in a less negative light in recent weeks. But I wanted to talk about a revisited challenge I am wanting to embark upon with regards to my mind and body being healthier.
“It always seems impossible until it is done” – this quote from the late, great Nelson Mandela really hits home when we start out on any new endeavour. This is not a new thing for me and it is definitely not a new years resolution as I never really keep them. This is something I have been trying to do on and off since I recovered from my ostomy surgery in 2016 and one thing after another put a halt to it or as I’m now trying look at is as it was just postponed.
For the first time in a long time when I look at myself I don’t see someone who is fat; I am trying to see the word fat as just a describing word not a negative word as we all have it and need it to survive. No I am not entirely happy with the way I look but the way I am currently looking at it is:
- I have had two children
- I have had two surgeries to have my children
- I have had two major bowel surgeries
- I have limitations on what I can currently achieve but the goalposts will move as I progress
- I will never be societies version of perfect but I am 00Steve’s
- I have a lot of scar tissue which may never flatten out
I am being kinder to myself than I have done in a very long time and I have decided to become healthier and fitter rather than focus on the numbers on the scales or on a tape measure. Each part of me that I am not so keen on my plan is to see it in a softer view by remembering what my body and mind has endured to get where it is now. I refuse to take part in diet culture and fads, it is incredibly bad for my mental health and just feeds into my eating disorder. I am using some old exercise plans that weren’t too hard going or difficult to build me up slowly and I am using some old meals I used to enjoy that were well balanced and healthy. My current goals for the next two months at least are:
- Tone up my stomach, arms and back
- Have a healthier relationship with food
- Be an active mum again
- Regain my fitness like I had in 2014/15
- Exercise everyday even if it is just a walk
- Be happier about me again
- Don’t focus on weight or measurements
I think these little goals are attainable in the long run and aren’t feeding into any negativity that surrounds body shapes. I would like to tone up my stomach more for my ostomy as when my stomach is more rounded the appliances don’t stick as well and are more likely to let leaks happen. So that is more of a practical thing than a weight loss issue as I am aware due to how my body has healed from surgeries it probably won’t ever get flat. Also in clothes I don’t look as bad as I sometimes think I do wearing just my underwear. But it is most definitely not the end of the world and I think that is the first step to getting healthier.
I have set myself two months to be at least a bit stronger and fitter to the point I find some of my exercises easier and as by then the weather is due to turn to spring I may be able to look at running again. Now that is my ultimate goal but due to the hypermobility in my knees and hips it may never get to the point I do 9/10 mile runs again but I would like to remain optimistic about it all. Especially as I walked to the shop this morning and the high street was full of runners ready to do the turkey run and I was overwhelmed with sadness as in 2014 I did it slowly and came last but I did it and loved it. Trail running and I were good friends once upon a time.
I also started my exercises last week so it didn’t feel like it was a new year new you thing. So far I have done either a walk or a workout so I am quite proud of myself. Are you thinking about exercising or eating healthier this year? Do you have an ostomy or hypermobility?